I don’t want to join your BNI chapter

Alright, calm down.

I’m not hating on BNI’s members. Quite the opposite, actually. It seems to be a stellar stream of business for many and I know some lovely bods who are long-term members.

But you’ve got more chance of a politician admitting they’re a p*rvert than you do of me ever rocking up perky eyed at 6am ready to ‘smash some business goals’.

Why?

It’s cloak and dagger.

For all the great people who ask outright if you want to join (who accept a friendly “no thanks” with professionalism and grace*), there are those who seem to invite you by masquerading as a potential client. That disingenuous crap sucks massive balls.

It’s formal.

Maybe they’ve changed contracts since I last saw one. But it was a ‘three-strikes-and-you’re-out-even-if-you’re-dying-we-don’t-care’ approach. And I went freelance so I can do my own shit, not pay hefty dollar to toe the line with yours.

It’s (often) at 6am.

Apparently so you can ‘get on with the rest of your working day’. But to me that reads ‘so we can exclude any caregiver – mainly women – who have no f*cking chance of turning up at that time’. Huge whiff of ‘lads that golf’ vibes.

It’s a clique.

I’ve never been a member so I’m being a bit bold here. But someone once told me “I’d love to work with you but I can’t ‘cos I have to use the copywriter in my BNI group”. That takes the ‘free’ out of ‘freelance’ doesn’t it? On Wednesdays, we wear pink y’all.

I know most groups need a copywriter (who doesn’t? We’re excellent). And I’m told those who are members rake it in every month (which sounds nice, let’s be honest).

But even if talking out of my arse about all the above and you convince me I’m wrong, I’m never going to join any sort of early morning networking group that means I miss the school run. That’s where I am at 8.15am every weekday. And there’s no place I’d rather be.**

(Also, pretty sure it’s frowned upon to leave a seven-year-old home alone while you b*gger off for a meeting at 6am).

Thanks BNI pal. But, no.

*Look at Tor. She did that. I like Tor.

 **Lies. A spa. I’d rather be in a spa.