Sweets, schemes and shower scene screams

This half term, with the help of my five year old, I dipped my toe into other career opportunities. Here’s how I’d rate my skills:

1. Baker

Chocolate cake. Looks alright. Tastes horrific. Decorated with so many sprinkles you’re forced to gnaw your way through E-numbers to reach the densest sponge known to man. 3/10 for appearance only.

2. Photographer

I tried to take a family photo of the three of us on Tower Bridge. FAILED. Turns out I am even more in need of a hair appointment than I thought. 2/10 for presence alone.

3. Children’s party entertainer

Unless you enjoy the sound of relentless screaming and repeating ‘slow down or you’ll hurt yourself!’ for four hours, I do NOT recommend. 1/10 (me). 10/10 (son).

4. Therapist

Spooky season and all that. But then there’s this guy, dressed as death SPEED CYCLING TOWARDS CHILDREN playing the theme from Psycho’s shower scene. Next to a meerkat enclosure and an ice cream van. I am not joking. 0/10 from everyone, including the traumatised meerkats.

Yep. I’m sticking to the day job. Which as well as words does include a hefty chunk of parenting (despite the above woes, I do quite enjoy it).

Want to know what words I write? Have a gander.